NHL funnies; NEW changes to NHL teams' strategy

Although some of Sean's comments are cryptic, the humor clearly shines through. The Canucks nugget is probably both the truest and funniest; sorry Van fans, your team is soft.

A primer on subtle changes to NHL teams' strategies

Sean McIndoe Oct 11, 2011

The NHL regular season has arrived, with all 30 teams having seen action. And if you settled in to watch your favourite team’s opening games and felt like something seemed different, you may be right.

After a long off-season of planning and an exhibition schedule for fine-tuning, the opening of the regular season is the time for teams to unveil the new systems and strategies that they hope will translate into improved results. Whether it is a change in coaching, new personnel or just a different approach to certain game situations, most teams have tweaked something.

These changes are often subtle and can be difficult for the casual fan to notice. To help, I have spoken to several scouts and front-office executives and they outlined some of the most important strategic shifts to watch for early in the season.

Philadelphia Flyers Trying a bold new strategy where the on-the-fly line changes executed by the team every minute or so will no longer include the goaltender.

Los Angeles Kings Working hard in practice on improving Drew Doughty’s accuracy from the point, since this year every single one of his slap shots seems to be heading directly for the front office’s private suite.

Montreal Canadiens Apparently playing under the new slogan “Let’s go on out there and be part of a moment that thousands of people have been waiting 15 years for and completely ruin it.”

Vancouver Canucks Trying a new strategy called “If some guy is punching our best player in the face over and over again, maybe think about doing something about that.” Still in the experimental phase.

Toronto Maple Leafs Currently rethinking their long-standing game plan of “If Colton Orr scores a goal, everyone else immediately stop playing for the rest of the game since we know that the End Times are upon us,”

Edmonton Oilers Tom Renney ends each fiery pre-game speech by saying, “Now go on out there and compete hard for the team, just like A.C. Slater at Bayside High!”, before looking around the room and adding “Wow, really? Not one of the good players is old enough to get that reference? Oh man, I am screwed.”

Atlanta Thrashers Have decided to take a break from that whole “existing” strategy that hadn’t really been working for them in years.

Columbus Blue Jackets Unlike the previous eight seasons, will no longer employ a simplistic offensive strategy called “As soon as you get the puck, immediately pass it to Rick Nash.” Will now be switching to the more complex “As soon as you get the puck, immediately pass it to Jeff Carter who then immediately passes it to Rick Nash.”

Washington Capitals Coach Bruce Boudreau has decided to get the completely unnecessary goaltending controversy out of the way on opening night, rather than waiting for the first bad period of the playoffs like every other year.

Dallas Stars Management will no longer assume that a star player is harbouring childhood dreams of trying out for the local baseball team if he spends the entire season muttering, “Man, I cannot wait until I get to sign with the Rangers.”

Ottawa Senators New head coach Paul MacLean has reassured his players that, if he learned one thing while coaching in the Western Conference with the Red Wings for six years, it’s that road games never actually get started until around 9 or 9:15 p.m. Eastern.

• Sean McIndoe’s humour site, Down Goes Brown, is updated regularly at www.downgoesbrown.com. Follow him on Twitter at @DownGoesBrown